Easy

..as pie. No pie to see here. No really. It's not pie.

On the Up Side

Slept like shit last night. I think I woke up about 10 times before 3 AM. Finally getting some dream action and I'm awake again at 5:35 because somebody is plowing out the landlords lot next door. Hello? Fuckers. Pseudo single mom over here in need of a little thing called ssllleeeep. He was out there for a half hour! In my angrier days I would have gone out there and made a scene. I've mellowed slightly. Never wake a sleeping Kat.

On the up side, the gym must be revealing it's good effects. I've been carded the last 2 trips to the beer store. Sweet.

Hurry! Hurry Hard!

A quick game. Google, (your name) needs. This is what I got:

• Kat needs money to feed her heinous addiction to Gummy Worms.(I'm so ashamed)
  
• Kat needs to be Kat and be in a bad mood rather than happy suzy home maker.(Yes dammit!)
  
• Kat needs to purr.(most certainly)
  
• Kat needs to hire a professional stylist.(most certainly...not!)
  
• Kat needs no introduction!
  
• Kat needs a bath and it just happens we're not busy today.(What a coincidence)
  
• Kat needs to mature a little more before she comments on serious topics like politics.(ya. whatever.)
  
• Kat needs to make sure she doesn’t “fall off the wagon” and become one of the party tramps.(too. late.)

And for a quick laugh.
Oh and please don't leave hungry. Have a quick bite. If that didn't satisfy you, how 'bout a quickie.

Tell Me What To Do

You Should Be an Artist

You are incredibly creative, spontaneous, and unique. No one can guess what you're going to do next, but it's usually something amazing. You can't deal with routine, rules, or structure. You're easily bored. As long as you are able to innovate and break the rules, you are extremely successful. You do best when you: - Can work by yourself - Can express your personality in your work You would also be a good journalist or actor.

What Should You Be When You Grow Up?

I should be finishing my writing. So uninspired. So busy. So many excuses. I have this great desire to be in a different place. But I'm having difficulties deciding which route to take. Do I finish university and piano and become a teacher? Or do I continue my writing courses, go to cooking school and become a food writer? One is certainly safer and more secure. The other seems more challenging to me and has a few more possibilities. Both are creative and satisfying. But when there are children in the mix, I'm not just thinking of me anymore and I can't say which I'd rather. I have time. I can't make any major moves just yet. As much as serving tables is starting to wear a little thin it pays the bills and allows me to avoid the costs of day care. I've been trying to decide for an eternity now. Or at least I'm sure my family and friends are growing tired of my indecisiveness. I am too really. I feel like a freudian fear of failure. And a really sad attempt at alliteration.

So let's play pretend. You tell me where I fit and I'll go do it.

Don't Eat The Snow

Bunnies are cute. Except when they shit all over your back yard.

Seriously. I went outside this morning and noticed the back yard is littered with brown marbles. Are those some kind of nut? Maybe a seed? No. Hang on. It's poo. Everywhere. Our yard is smallish and fenced in. Maybe they are pet bunnies that are lost and confusing our yard for a giant bunny pen? Maybe it is one big ass bunny with explosive diarrhea. Cause I was in the yard last night and there was no poo. Not even a plop. Now it's a litter box. Guess we won't be playing in the snow any time soon.

Missing

Woke up this morning and opened my mail. I should have taken a Valium first. Shit. So here the hubby is, all the way out west, trying to make us more money but the bills keep getting bigger. We're no further ahead then we were before he started. And that's just to pay the bills. Never mind the debt this work was supposed to be putting a dent in. And never mind the fact that he's so far away and I'm missing him badly.

But I think it's harder for him. He's the one who's not at home. He's the one who's missing his wife and his kids. His youngest is talking at 13 months old and he's missing it: Puppy, Hi, pretty, cracker, apple, E-I-E-I-O, toe-toe, banana and bubble are just a few. And his eldest is old enough to miss him too. I know he's doing a good thing, providing for his family but it breaks my heart to see tears streaming down my 3 year old's face because her daddy isn't here. It makes me think of how hard it is for soldiers and their families to be separated for great lengths of time and space and with the threat of death looming all the while.

On a smaller yet equally shitty note, I am completely LOST. I had missed the second episode because of sheer exhaustion. So on thursday I passed up the 9 o'clock viewing of the third episode to watch two and three back to back on a time shifting channel. There I was with a bowl of freshly popped corn on my lap, chilled beer in one hand and the remote in the other.
Ready.
Aim.
Dead air.
Dead fucking air. Not even a spec of snow. Just black. What the mother?
So I called the cable company and some annoyed chick answers, "Cable company answering service, what is your message?"

"Ya. Um. Channel 380 isn't working. It's the only channel on the whole system not working. Do you know why?"

"Um, I'm an ANSWERING SERVICE. I have no idea why. I really can't help you. Do you have a message?"

"(ya. go fuck yourself.) Well it doesn't really do me any good to leave a message for someone later about a show I can't watch now."

I checked back every minute for an hour and a half. Nothing. But of course when I woke up in the morning it worked just fine. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Happy Valentine's!

Hey all my sexy friends. Some Dos and Don'ts for your special day.

Do:

1. Go decorate a cake for someone you love.
2. Find a little game to play.
3. If you're German try asking a Canadian for a little help.
   

Don't:

1. Be jealous.
2. Throw things. Unless of course you're into that.
3. Lose the key. Again, ask for help.

Now for some dirty talk. Click the pic.

Tagged Again!

This time by my best buddy liz. Not the most specific sort of meme. 6 random things. That's very, well...random.

1. I sleep on the left side of the bed. Liz discovered this the other night. (go ahead now...)
2. I am very flexible. I can fold myself in half and put my legs behind my head, but not necessarily in that order. (where is this going?)
3. I severed the tendon of my right pinky back in the day. We used to put candles in old wine bottles for ambiance. Guess we should have tossed em more often cause the one that slashed me snapped rather easily. My finger nearly fell off.
   
4. I play piano. Luckily for me the permanent bend in my injured digit is actually desirable.
   
5. I tend to eat in order. Veggies first, then the meat, then the starch. It does vary depending on what I'm eating or my mood. Sometimes I get a little crazy and switch it up. But I rarely mix. Unless of course it's stew, or soup. Kinda already together. Yet oddly enough, mixed foods like pasta are my favourite. It's ok. I'm confused too.
   
6. I won a belching contest in grade 8. One guy in the class was soooo jealous that I signed over my certificate. I don't need a stinkin' slip of paper. We both know who won.

No tags here. Move along. Nothing to see here.

7 Positive Things

Tagged by my fierce friend Badger. I found his answers strong and inspiring. Here's my take:

1. My philosophy. I live with no regrets. Nothing is a mistake. I make choices based on what I know best in that moment. What more can I ask of myself?
2. My family. I ALWAYS wanted a family and now I have a beautiful one. I made some self- sacrifices to have them and I would do it again any day.
3. My friends. I served some ladies a week ago, all over 50, who were in celebrating being friends since childhood. I almost cried. At work! I almost cried because I will have that. All of my closest friendships are 16 years or more and counting. I often picture us all gray and perched on a patio somewhere hot, sipping too many drinks, chirping loudly. We're all quite chirpy. I love it.
4. My quest for fit! Since having my youngest I have lost 40 pounds...and counting. Got about 20 to go to get back to pre-babies-me.
5. My grandparents. I am lucky enough to still have them all. Hubby still has 3 of his too. So our kids have 7 great grandparents. That's tremendously cool.
6. My brain. Thanks to the parents I think I've got a pretty good head. Strange things swirl about in there sometimes. But it's'all good. Right? just nod and smile
   
7. My home. We don't own our house yet. Getting there. But for now I am happy where I am. Because it's exactly where I need to be to get to the next step. That and it's cozy and warm and full of (excellent)food and (squishy)love. Some people don't have any of those things.

liz
melanie
earl
slyde
Consider yourselves tagged.

Wind At My Backside

After much work up I have finally started working out. It's been about a month since I joined the gym; the same one I went to as a teen (I have been to others in between).Surprisingly there are still some same faces there. On my first day back I saw a friend from elementary school who's now a personal trainer. He's positively huge. Although not quite as large as in high school. He was on roids then. Good for him for quitting. He got so big so fast that he has stretch marks reaching from his forearm all the way up to his armpit and around to his pecs. And I thought having kids could do damage.

I'm quite enjoying my time. With the hubby gone, I don't get much time to myself. I'm working 4 nights a week but it hardly constitutes alone time. Adult maybe. MAYBE. Alone, no.

No great stories yet, but I have seen that it is possible to run sideways on an incline at full speed without falling off. And some people cannot feel the wind on their butt cracks. Either that or they like it. I know I'd rather not see it.

Like a Wheelbarrow?

Awkward!
I used to know him so it makes it even harder. *cringe*

Mad Libs

I could do this all day...

Four hundred years ago people knew little about our
insane universe. They thought that the earth was the
center of the entire sushi and that the sun and all of the
harmonicas revolved around it. But then a/an
Norwegian named Copernicus discovered the truth.
The earth revolves around the pea
6792 times a year.

Copernicus, whose last name was Earl, was born
in Warsaw, and he used one of the first placid
telescopes, which was invented by Kat.
This primitive telescope was little more than two pieces of
Guacamole stuck on each end of a/an toy.
In 1600 an Italian dentist named Galileo
expanded Copernicus's enraged theories, but during the
Inquisition in Italy he was politely arrested. After
sneaking for six months in jail, Galileo was
forced to execute.

Old Mother Hubbard went to the bark
To get her silly sunset a bone.
When she got there, the bed was crazy
And so her indirect dog had none.

Jack and Jill went up the mom
to fetch a/an jug of water.
Jack fell down and broke his gobbledeegoop,
And Jill came tumbling after.

There was a little girl and she had a little curl
Right in the middle of her bus.
And when she was irrelevant, she was very, very snobby,
And when she was bad, she was ridiculous.

There was a accidental woman
who sank in a shoe.
She had so many geese
She didn't know what to do.


Your turn