Monday, November 26, 2007


Tagged by Liz. And first of all I must say that I am shocked she's ever been close enough to a carnie to know that they smell like cabbage. Sounds suspicious to me...

The Rules:
  • Write a list of things of which you are suspicious. Any number of them will do. Even the number 0 works. This is the first meme that can be done without even doing it. In fact, you're doing it right now.
  • Include the list of rules, if you feel like it.
  • Link back to the person who tagged you. Or not.
  • Tag however many people you want to tag. You can skip this step.
  • If you acted on rule four, leave comments on their websites to let them know that they have been tagged. This step is also completely optional.
  • Feel fantastic.
What makes me suspicious?? in no particular order:

1. I live in a rental. So I certainly have issues surrounding hidden cameras. Especially after the time my land lord (who knows my mom) made some comment to me about when he first met me I was just a baby and my mom was breast feeding. eeeeeeeewwwwwwwww.

2. Any food, that isn't a chip, from my local convenience store. It all has a protective layer of dust.

3. Dollar store pregnancy tests.

4. People who drive bright yellow cars with giant contrasting letters down the side of it. Issues. Or maybe they're just lost.

5. Hot dogs. If I wanted lips and assholes then I'd ask for lips and assholes.

6. My basement. It's home to a few thousand spider carcasses. There is a burnt railway tie being used as a support beam. And judging by the decor, it's a little like Hannibal's home away from home.

Now it's your turn.
Whoever you are.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Cold Turkey

Quitting smoking sucks. It was so easy when I got pregnant. I just did it. But this time around is different. I have had 5 cigarettes since last Monday when I thought I had smoked my last. Pretty good I suppose. None would be better. So I've considered asking my doctor for some help. But the last time I tried that I nearly had a mental breakdown from taking Zyban. You know that little print out the pharmacist includes with your prescription? Well, this one failed to mention being thrown in to an instant paranoid depression amongst every other side effect known to man. After a few trips to the local Internet cafe, the hubby and I discovered that I was not the only one. Hundreds of people with the same debilitating side effects so conveniently left off the list. And there were others who claimed to have lost feeling and/or use of their limbs. Really. You may well be able to see my apprehension about venturing into the land of drugs again. As a general rule I don't take them, but I really do want to quit and I know I can't manage the cold turkey. That said, it'd be a whole lot easier to wean myself if I could just go purchase ONE smoke at a time. Just like you can buy one beer or one cigar. But not with cigarettes. Nope. You have to buy at least 20 at a time. Bull. Shit. Ah well. The doctor's appointment is tomorrow so we'll see what we can't figure out.

And out of curiosity I wanted to know what the heck cold turkey has to do with quitting smoking. Apparently it was first used to describe doing something without preparation, as in serving up leftovers like cold turkey. It was later applied to those quitting heroine, because as the drug leaves the system the skin begins to resemble that of a refrigerated, holiday fowl.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Dinner's ready.

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Monday, November 12, 2007

Birthday Roundup

I am another year older. So what does this mean? I smoked my last cigarette about an hour ago and I could sure go for another right about now. I should probably toss out my lighters and ashtrays but part of me is still holding on. If only this were going to be easier. I know, I know. I'll have to keep telling myself that quitting won't kill me but continuing will, that I am now officially a full fledged adult and I should know better. Stupid conscience.

The hubby and I headed out to the Falls for my birthday festivities. It's really not that far from here and seeing as it is one of the 7 wonders we thought we'd stop taking it for granted and pay a visit. For starters we had dinner at the local franchise of the steak house I work for. Huge disappointment that was. My steak was the worst I've had in 7 years. The Caesar salad was limp and lacking, the garlic mashed potatoes were gluey and my asparagus was unsnapped and overcooked. Blech. Not to mention the server who was so fresh my 3 year old could have done better. But seeing as I should have been getting a 40% staff discount, who's complaining. Well I should have because getting the damn bill discounted turned into a battle of wills between the general manager and myself. Apparently this franchise doesn't staff bills on Fridays and Saturdays. Not standard and unheard of in my 7 years experience. Besides, he didn't know who I was (which is nobody these days since I'm just a lowly server and no longer a manager but that is besides the fucking fact it is the point) and he approached the table like a lineman. No, "hey, how are ya? What brings you to town? What store are you from? Really? That's awesome, let's see what I can do for you." No. None of that. That would have been the nice thing to do. Hell. I might even call it standard practice. In the end of it all I got what was rightfully mine to begin with. So what the fuck?

We spent the rest of the evening at the casinos. Invested about $200 and after many drinks, bells and whistles we left with $120. Ya. High rollers. But we had fun. I think we passed out about 4 am in a box of pizza. And the hubby still isn't sure whether or not he answered the door naked.

Finally, I'll leave you with this. We thought it was funny.

cabbie- "So where are you guys from?"

us- " Just in for the night from Hamilton."

cabbie- "Ya. There seems to be a lot of Canadians in town this weekend."

Astounding really.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Birthday Countdown

3 yr old- "Mommy. What are you doing?'

ME- "Taking my vitamins."

3 yr old- "Taking your vitamins? Why are you doing that?"

ME- "Well, when people get older they need to take vitamins to stay healthy."

3 yr old- "No! No mommy. You can't get older. Don't say that!"

ME- (stroking her hair) "It's ok honey. Everybody gets older."

3 yr old- (with a tear in her eye) "Don't say that mommy. I don't want you to get older. It makes me a little upset if you say that."

2 more days to bittersweetness....

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

I Confess

  • I still think there is something under my bed. The running leap from the light switch to the bed ensures that IT will not get my feet. And I never ever let my feet outside the covers. Except when I'm drunk and hot. Then I don't give a shit.
  • Every time I fly on a plane I stare out the window obsessively, waiting to see the monster from TZ on the wing.
  • I have severe food handling issues. In fact, every time an infraction occurs, I feel as though I could reach out and hurt someone. When grocery shopping, I can't stand raw meat in the vegetable bag or bread in the cans bag. jeez people. It isn't fucking rocket science. And in that case, if you think you have the stomach flu it's more likely to be food poisoning.
  • I love smoking. I've planned a quit date, for my coming birthday this Sunday, because I know it's terrible for me. But damn. Damn. It's gonna suck.
  • I hate open cupboards, socks that don't match and dogs that bark incessantly. All very irritating.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Celebrity Sightings

Doug Gilmour came into my restaurant tonight.
That is all I got.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Things I learned on my Honeymoon

  • There was lots of sugar but no honey
  • We did in fact see a moon. And it was pretty frickin' cool too
  • Pacifica is beautiful
  • The giant, disgusting things washed up on the beach reconfirmed my fear of the ocean
  • My love for red wine is more like a sick obsession.
  • My love for cheese is just as bad
  • People in Cali are either really nice, really weird or use sarcasm as a scape goat for rudeness...I on the other hand have only ever done that once.
  • Signs asking people to conserve water don't work.
  • Sarcastic signs asking people to conserve water don't work either.
  • Alcatraz, even in the light of day in the company of hundreds of people complete with a standard-useless-crap-you'll-never-use-that-says-Alcatraz -on-it-souvenir-shop, is a freaky fuckin' place.
  • I may have seen Sammy Hagar's car and I didn't really care but I took a picture anyway cause that's the touristy thing to do.
  • Telling someone that they have a nice dog can turn into a very ironic conversation about how the fire we caught a pic of on the hillside behind our hotel was the first fire in that town in over 28 years only to return home days later, turn on the news and discover that a better part of the entire state was now on fire.
  • People in Ontario smoke way too much and people in California run too much. 2 very different ways of dealing with fire.
  • And last but not least, 9-1-1 does not offer room service.

Ain't No Hollaback Girl

Conversations With a 3 Year Old

3yr old- " Trick or Treat!"

neighbour- " Why hello there. Happy Halloween. Would you like some candy?"

3yr old- "Actually, I could use a trick cause I think I already have enough treats."