Tuesday, January 30, 2007

22 Feckin' Questions

I've been tagged by one dirty mother fucker

1. Does your house have a back door? Yes. With no weather stripping. BRRRRRR.
2. How many pets do you have? One. Thanks for the reminder.
3. What word makes you smile? Bingo!
4. What is your favorite song? Depends which band you're talking about.
5. Do you like clams? Barf.
6. Have you ever broken a bone? No. Knock on wood.
7. Do you like spontaneity or consistency? Depends on what activity you're talkin' about...
8. Franks and beans? Franks are for squirrels.
9. The Scorpions' greatest record? I'll Sting You Till You Die.
10. Sex on the first date? That's not a date.
11. Larry King or Nancy Grace? Who the hell is Nancy Grace?
12. What is the first thing you get at a buffet? Salad or Sushi
13. Most treasured item? My piano
14. Happiest memory? The day my daughters were born...
15. Saddest memory?... same day. Just kidding. Sort of.
16. Comfort food? Anything salty and terribly fattening.
17. Guilty pleasure? I can't share that here.
18. Have you ever eaten at a restaurant where you could not read the menu? When I forget my glasses. Which is almost always.
19. Favorite soup? Butternut Squash Soup....hey. There's no link. I'll have to post this one for youwall-you wall- you all.
20. Favorite swear word? Fuckin' cocksucker
22. Which one of these is more shite? this or this?

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Rembrandt or 2 Year Old?

A striking resemblance, no?
The munchkin's got promise.

...but on a much more depressing note, the sketch artist wanted to move on to Annie. Which is impossible because she was sent to the SPCA on Tuesday where she is sure to meet her demise. Shit-tey.

Under the Weather

I'm all stubbed ub. Talk amongsd your selbs. Bud nod this sick. WTF?

Monday, January 22, 2007

Blog for Choice Day - January 22, 2007

Fortunately I have never had to make this decision. But that is precisely the point. That I do have a choice. I would never pretend to know better than those who are wearing the shoes nor would I ever appreciate a stranger deciding what is best for me. To choose life, we must first be able to consider it and thus make a decision. Like it or not pro lifers, you too have made a choice. Now. Shall I take it from you?

Saturday, January 20, 2007

I've Been Tagged!

By Liz!

A- Available or single? I'm officially off the market! Sorry boys and gals.
B- Best Friend? Lizzy!
C- Cake or Pie? Pie!
D- Drink of Choice? Water, coffee and red wine
E- Essential Item? Knee length black boots.
F- Favorite Color? Red and blue
G- Gummi Bears or Worms? Sour Keys
H- Hometown? Where my ass is planted
I- Indulgence? Baked goat cheese with crostini and fresh tomato basil salsa
J- January or February? September
K- Kids? Two girls that are one day going to be locked in a closet so that mamma doesn't have to use the shotgun.
L- Life is incomplete without? Family and friends.
M- Marriage Date? Undecided
N- Number of Siblings? One ultra cool and very smart brother
O- Oranges or apples? Apples - granny smith and honey crisp
P- Phobias/Fears? Claustrophobic, earwigs, millipedes and cenitpedes...it's just too many fucking legs people, and occasionally I still believe that if my arm or leg dangle off the bed the monster under it will bite me.
Q- Favorite Quote? How about one I remember. "The sound of a kiss is not so loud as that of a cannon. But it's echo lasts a great deal longer." Oliver Wendell Holmes
R- Reason to Smile? The sun is shining and I don't have to clean the toilet! Oh happy day!
S- Season? Fall!
T- Tag three people! Ok gals...that means you tits, madge and earl!

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Top 5 Things I'm Up To

  1. Doing the old cut and highlights tomorrow. Time to bring the hawt, hawt back to mamma.
  2. Contemplating killing the cat. Even the SPCA won't take her. This truly bites.
  3. Still taking down the christmas tree before it catches fire and destroys what little I actually do own.
  4. Planning my wedding...yes...I'm already turning into one of those brides. Somebody fucking help me. I hate those bitches.
  5. Trying to finish my children's writing course but I'm all bunged up. Someone give me a topic...

Monday, January 15, 2007


We now interupt the regular scheduled nature poetry for a disturbing bit of must tell.

This is easily the
WTF of the Year.

Do not follow this link if you are eating, preparing food, just ate, have an aversion to or likeness for hotdogs and/or sausages, have an itchy arm or private part, wear glasses, have 20/20 vision, like sex or wish to ever enjoy it again, have a penis or have ever wished you had one or a bigger one, if you are not near an eyewash station and definately not if you are at work or around children.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

More Poems from my Past

A Grave Picture

Here stand hallowed graves
with cedar sentinels:
a solitary niche of rest and roots.

The Dandelion Song

Dandelions sway:
entranced yellow symphonies,
conducted in breeze.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Walk With Me

~for my daughters

Walk with me
across the sky
over bridges made of rope
I'll swing you
to and fro
your sun streaked locks
dancing free
from furrowed brows
and tears flooding
pooling at your bare feet
walk with me
I'll carry you

Tuesday, January 02, 2007


Stole this from Liz cause I didn't get tagged and I'm too lazy to post anything imaginative. If you feel the same, go ahead and take it. I double dog dare ya.

1. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
Closed. So that the cat doesn’t sleep on my head.

2. What was the weather like on your graduation day?
I was in England and missed grad. But it was surprisingly sunny and warm. Rained once in two weeks. Probably a record or something.

3. What kind of winter coat do you own?
A pink Columbia ski jacket and a tan suede knee length coat with faux fur trim.

4. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
That depends on what you consider a large group. I do serve tables. Other than that….I guess at my brother’s wedding last year.

5. Where do you keep your change?
In a jar. In the car. On the fridge. In my purse. On the floor. On my dresser. In the couch.

6. Describe your keychains?
I have one. 2 car keys. 2house keys. 1 mail key. Remote door and trunk release and panic button. 1 flashlight

7. What is your favorite flavor of jelly?
I like black cherry jam.

8. Some things you are excited about?

9. Do you re-use towels after you shower?
I use my towel twice before washing.

10. Have you ever been in a planetarium?

11. Have you ever received one of those big tins with three kinds of popcorn?
What kind of obscure question is this? No.

12. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
I’d rather look at the ocean thanks. I hate salt water.

13. Any plans for Friday night?
Change a few diapers. Pump a little milk…too much information?

14. What is out your back door?
A hot tub, a deck, a sandbox, a table set, an empty garden, dead leaves and lots of mud.

15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've ever had?
A baby tooth pulled. Poor me.

16. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
uh. No.

17. Who did you lose your concert virginity to?
Steve Miller

18. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machine?
Yes. Why call if there is no message?

19. How many different beverages have you had today?
2. Coffee and water.

20. Last thing you received in the mail?
A Christmas card and a phone bill. There is some irony in that.

21. Have you had to take out a loan for school?
No. Unless using your credit card to pay for it counts.

22. Do you have any famous ancestors?
um. Not that I know of. I’ll have to look into that and report back.

23. Your prom night?
What about it?

24. Do you know all the words to the song on your MySpace profile?
MySpace sucks donkey.

25. Are you any good at math?
Up until calculus I got A’s. Then I quit.

26. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Reading the lovely well wishes from all you fine folks.

26. What were you doing this morning at 8 AM?
Making breakfast.

27. When was the last time you shaved?
2 days before labour.

28. Explain what ended your last relationship.
I was dumped. Let’s not go there. Right Liz? Geez what a note to end this thing on. I’m going to go drown in a bag of chips now.