Saturday, December 24, 2005

Steak and Toe Nails

Thursday night I worked a closing shift at the restaurant. Part of my closing duties is to take a walk around the dining room, picking up odds and ends left behind by my co-workers. On a normal night this might include a pepper mill and a few sugar bowls. But thursday night I found a bizarre item (atleast when found in a steak house). Perched on a ledge meant for water pitchers was a toe nail clipper. Apparently someone needed a quick clip before their filet mignon dinner. Who can eat when their toe nails are overgrown? So I left the disgusting little clippers in their perch for the night cleaners to dispose of. Afterall, I wasn't going to touch them. But when I returned to work on Friday morning (for my christmas double) I found the beastly thing in the waiter's station beside the ketchup dispenser. Bad enough I'd seen it the first time and now it was taking a tour. I had to put and end to it. I snatched it up with a protective wad of paper towel and tossed it out. Eating steak will never be the same.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Oh Christmas Tree

Oh christmas tree
oh christmas tree
why do we call you holiday?

Oh christmas tree
oh christmas tree
why are you in my hallway?

If I put a star on you
I will be sure
to offend a few.

Oh christmas tree
oh christmas tree,
you should leave my hallway.

For each believer
a sign of faith;
for every other
a sign of hate.

Oh christmas tree
oh christmas tree
maybe we should burn you.

You are a sign from up above
oh what the heck, let's call it love.

Oh christmas tree
oh christmas tree
you're nothing more
than a spruce...

or maybe pine
or balsam fir
whatever kind
I am not sure.

but Christmas tree
my Christmas tree
forever CHRISTMAS you will be.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Red Wine Lip

So, a dear friend of mine was having an issue with red wine lip. Although it may seem like a disturbing experience, it's nothing more than a robust wine. Want someone to blame for your embarrassing shade of black lip; look no further than the tannin. That's right, this simple little colour and flavour enhancer found in most fruits including red wine grapes is the dirty culprit. If you think your wine has lots of flavour and a bit of a punch, I'd advise you to take a trip to the rest room because it's likely left it's tar-like mark on your lips. So fear not my little winos, for your wine lip is merely a mark of a 'leggy' batch. Drink on!
Want more proof??? (ok fine, don't trust the server who drinks and pours more wine in a day than...well, fine just don't believe me...see for yourself!)

Friday, December 09, 2005

Tis the season to be jolly...

Deck your neighbour for being jolly,
fa la la la la, la la la arghhhh!
Load the FORD up on a dolly,
fa la la la la, la la la arghhhh!
Add one more thing to your credit card,
fa la la, la la la, la la arghhhh!
Go to work, but make no money,
fa la la la la, la la la arghhhh!