Conversations With a 4 Year Old

Watching What Not to Wear:

4 yr old- "Mommy. Someone needs to tell that man to calm down."

Me- "Why?"

4 yr old- "Cause he's a little bit too excited about that woman's clothes."

Me- " Ya?"

4 yr old- "Ya. And I don't even know why. That one with the jacket is just boring."

Missing

Woke up this morning and opened my mail. I should have taken a Valium first. Shit. So here the hubby is, all the way out west, trying to make us more money but the bills keep getting bigger. We're no further ahead then we were before he started. And that's just to pay the bills. Never mind the debt this work was supposed to be putting a dent in. And never mind the fact that he's so far away and I'm missing him badly.

But I think it's harder for him. He's the one who's not at home. He's the one who's missing his wife and his kids. His youngest is talking at 13 months old and he's missing it: Puppy, Hi, pretty, cracker, apple, E-I-E-I-O, toe-toe, banana and bubble are just a few. And his eldest is old enough to miss him too. I know he's doing a good thing, providing for his family but it breaks my heart to see tears streaming down my 3 year old's face because her daddy isn't here. It makes me think of how hard it is for soldiers and their families to be separated for great lengths of time and space and with the threat of death looming all the while.

On a smaller yet equally shitty note, I am completely LOST. I had missed the second episode because of sheer exhaustion. So on thursday I passed up the 9 o'clock viewing of the third episode to watch two and three back to back on a time shifting channel. There I was with a bowl of freshly popped corn on my lap, chilled beer in one hand and the remote in the other.
Ready.
Aim.
Dead air.
Dead fucking air. Not even a spec of snow. Just black. What the mother?
So I called the cable company and some annoyed chick answers, "Cable company answering service, what is your message?"

"Ya. Um. Channel 380 isn't working. It's the only channel on the whole system not working. Do you know why?"

"Um, I'm an ANSWERING SERVICE. I have no idea why. I really can't help you. Do you have a message?"

"(ya. go fuck yourself.) Well it doesn't really do me any good to leave a message for someone later about a show I can't watch now."

I checked back every minute for an hour and a half. Nothing. But of course when I woke up in the morning it worked just fine. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

"A couple is 2"

Finally. No more holidays. There are officially no more cookies (of the nineteen dozen I exchanged at work...), turkeys, candies, gravy or 5 varieties of cheese and crackers lingering in my kitchen. No more giant dinners for breakfast, brim with champagne and croissants, tongue and Branston or bagels and lox. The only thing left is the tedious task of putting away the decorations. I think I may even be done with the copious amounts of wine and other spirits...for a little while anyhow.

Last night, for the first time in over 4 years, I actually slept for 12 hours. And although I am not inclined to make resolutions I am entertaining the promise to let myself get more rest. The fine balance I maintain between mothering, working and having fun has been stretching thinner over these last few months. So far, I have not discovered a bean of caffeine that will sufficiently replace my lost hours. And since purchasing my ultra -comfy, new linens I'm considering moving the entire house into the bedroom and setting up shop around my bed.

I've also decided that I need to find the kids daycare for a couple of days a week. And as my daughter always reminds me, a couple is 2. The hubby is taking off again some time in the new year to work on another hotel. But this time he has to stay from start to finish, which means an easy month in Alberta. If I am to keep my sanity, I cannot have work as my only time alone. So with my 2 days I plan to write. I've not been able to do it much in the last year. All of that time and all of those ignored thoughts equals my right hemisphere bulging like a parasitic twin.

If by chance you're hungry I'll be posting last night's dinner later today: Pear and Potato Soup with a couple of years old cheddar.

That's It. We're All Becoming Tapers.

Allo allo allo. Sorry I've not been around. It's been a hectic week. The hubby is off earning a living on the other side of the country or taping up a small fortune. Here's a hint. If you're looking for a career change become a tradesman and move to Northern Alberta or Alaska. You could pay off your house in a little over a year. It's almost too good to be true, except that it really is that good. Needless to say I've been on my own with the childrenz. Thank 8lb 6oz baby jesus for good friends like Lizzy who are helping out with the babysitting while I go off to earn my own pittance. I wouldn't bother except that money's money, sanity is an absolute necessity and serving tables makes for great stories. I'll be back later with one. Right now? Baby crying...

Birthday Countdown

3 yr old- "Mommy. What are you doing?'

ME- "Taking my vitamins."

3 yr old- "Taking your vitamins? Why are you doing that?"

ME- "Well, when people get older they need to take vitamins to stay healthy."

3 yr old- "No! No mommy. You can't get older. Don't say that!"

ME- (stroking her hair) "It's ok honey. Everybody gets older."

3 yr old- (with a tear in her eye) "Don't say that mommy. I don't want you to get older. It makes me a little upset if you say that."


2 more days to bittersweetness....

Conversations With a 3 Year Old

3yr old- " Trick or Treat!"

neighbour- " Why hello there. Happy Halloween. Would you like some candy?"

3yr old- "Actually, I could use a trick cause I think I already have enough treats."

Romancing The Mom

Happy Mother's Day!

The Kid VS. Canadian Tire Man

Enter Dad and kid looking for rake for 3 year old kid. A kid sized rake. They look and look, but no such rake to be found. They search out Canadian Tire Man in red shirt

KID- "What the heck is this?"

C.T. MAN- "Wha huh?"

KID- "You have no small pink rake?"

C.T. MAN- "Uh. I"m not sure."

A search throughout the store ensues to find a small purple rake.

KID- " Ok. But my favourtie colour is pink."

Another Stolen Meme

Really. No need to be tagged. I just steal em from folks like Cheezy


3 Things That Scare Me:
This
Evangelists
Spiders

3 People Who Make Me Laugh:
John Cleese
Will Ferrell
Chris Rock

3 Things I Love:
My better half
My daughters
Cooking and Music...I know that's 4...but I just couldn't choose!

3 Things I Hate:
Ignorance
Bad Drivers
Seeds in my oranges and grapes

3 Things I Don't Understand:
Calculus
Organized Religion
My computer

3 Things On My Desk
Lots of Books
Wedding crap
Dust

3 Things I'm Doing Right Now:
Thinking
Baby balancing
Writing a meme

3 Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
Be published more than once in several genres
Travel more
Perform again


3 Things I Can Do:
draw
play piano
sing

3 Things I Can't Do:
Ski or Skate (not without falling on me arse anyhow)
Play guitar...and I've always wanted to.
Whistle. Sounds more like a deflating balloon.

3 Things I Think You Should Listen To:
That little voice inside your head that says "Nuh, uh, uh. Turning the car into oncoming traffic is COUNTER PRODUCTIVE!" or "it might not be such a good idea to keep a gun...in the glove compartment."~Jim Carrey
a VARIETY of music
Children


3 Things You Should Never Listen To:
Tabloids
Beer Goggles
Leprechauns


3 Things I'd Like To Learn:
Illustration
Guitar
More piano

3 Favourite Foods:
Soup
Pasta
Seafood

3 Shows I Watched As A Kid:
Dr. Snuggles
The Dukes of Hazard
The Hilarious House of Frightenstein

3 Bloggers I've tagged:
Anyone
Who
Wants

Weekend Viewing

Great Grandpa and baby.

My cousin's birthday...just 2 weeks before my daughter. My uncle and I are only 12 years apart and had our first children the same year.

My daughter watching her birthday balloons fly through the air.

Three cousins, all born the same year, having a rousing game of Dora dominos.

More 3 year old art. This is Smudge's 2nd portrait on doodle board.

Overheard At Our House

The 3year old- "Look at the stupid cat. I'm gonna kick it in the nut sack!"

Me- "What? Hon. What did she just say?"

Hon- (laughing hysterically)"She said nut sack!"

Me- (trying to contain laughter so that 3year old isn't rewarded for the bad word) "sssshhhh! Where did she learn that?" (note hint of sarcasm)

Hon- "Not from me."

Me- "Ok. Keep telling yourself that."

22 Feckin' Questions

I've been tagged by one dirty mother fucker

1. Does your house have a back door? Yes. With no weather stripping. BRRRRRR.
2. How many pets do you have? One. Thanks for the reminder.
3. What word makes you smile? Bingo!
4. What is your favorite song? Depends which band you're talking about.
5. Do you like clams? Barf.
6. Have you ever broken a bone? No. Knock on wood.
7. Do you like spontaneity or consistency? Depends on what activity you're talkin' about...
8. Franks and beans? Franks are for squirrels.
9. The Scorpions' greatest record? I'll Sting You Till You Die.
10. Sex on the first date? That's not a date.
11. Larry King or Nancy Grace? Who the hell is Nancy Grace?
12. What is the first thing you get at a buffet? Salad or Sushi
13. Most treasured item? My piano
14. Happiest memory? The day my daughters were born...
15. Saddest memory?... same day. Just kidding. Sort of.
16. Comfort food? Anything salty and terribly fattening.
17. Guilty pleasure? I can't share that here.
18. Have you ever eaten at a restaurant where you could not read the menu? When I forget my glasses. Which is almost always.
19. Favorite soup? Butternut Squash Soup....hey. There's no link. I'll have to post this one for youwall-you wall- you all.
20. Favorite swear word? Fuckin' cocksucker
22. Which one of these is more shite? this or this?

Walk With Me

~for my daughters

Walk with me

across the sky
over bridges made of rope
I'll swing you
to and fro
your sun streaked locks
dancing free
from furrowed brows
and tears flooding
pooling at your bare feet
walk with me
I'll carry you