....sometimes I like to think I am. But I am not. And I don't wanna be. But the average eater outer (I mean diners not divers) certainly thinks that I am. Like the other day. A stupid girl and her stupider mother wanted to share a dinner. Apparently they were not only stupid, but stupid and cheap. They were splitting a steak and half lobster. Fine. They're not the first birds to flock into my section. So, when we split a plate we give each bird their own choice of seed, or in this case potato. The stupid girl chooses mashed and her cheap maternal counterpart wants a baked. Fine. Nothing more is said and the order is placed. When the feed is ready, I bring it out. In front of the stupid girl I place the lobster with mashed and her cheap ass mama gets the steak with baked. But apparently I have now become the stupid one. Stupid because I didn't read their fucking minds when they telepathically told me that it was actually supposed to be the steak with mashed for stupid girl and the lobster with baked for cheap ass mama. They hastily exchanged cow for crustacean, sighing heavily all the way...as if I'd caused them some great pain. If I could have heard their chirpy voices past their stupid skulls I'm sure I would have stabbed them both with a seafood fork. Now that's pain. Kinda like how Hazel would deal if she ever found out who ate her lunchables.
9 comments:
So glad you came to visit me so that now I can come and visit you!
You are a hoot. I'll be back.
Ooh! And thanks for linking to me! I'm all flattered now.
love the moniker "tits mcgee"
One day - I'm coming in dressed in a clever disguise and I'm going to torment you by asking for a ceasar with 13 croutons, a left handed lobster (that only spoke french)and a caesar with crushed ice served in a soup bowl with crackers baked by the Knights of Nee.
People are damaged. These folk - should have just eaten at home. Then they could have stinkeyed each other instead of you. Stinkers.
My cardnal rule of life is, "Never give any waitress any shit when i am sitting down and ordering my food".
God knows what you sickos will put in my food before i get it?
I'm a ridiculous tipper and my way of showing dissatisfaction with my meal server is to hit 'em where it hurts.
I do tend to especially over-tip when I am having a light meal. I'm good friends with way too many bartenders and waitstaff to know that their biggest pet peeve is those who come in for a price special meal(or split meal) and then leave a measly tip. Cheap is a cheap does.
However, if they don't have the time/energy to make my meal special, I don't have the time/energy to make it worth their while.
Of course, that is neither her nor there pertaining to your story. Now way you could have known which way they wanted it unless they, ya know, TOLD YOU! Sheesh! Mind reading is certainly not high on my list of attributes when it comes to my meal servers.
Big, bouncy boobs are much higher on the list!
tits- no problem. Isn't that Vortex just MAD??? Love it. Thank you for finding it and sharing :o)
Lizzy- You're hilarious!! I actually had a guy ask about the tuna feature. He wouldn't eat it unless it was hook and line caught in the pacific, grade A and centre cut...Hello fucker, we're a steak house not a sushi parlour!!! Oh and then there are the vegetarians that venture into a STEAK HOUSE and want to know where the veggie menu is. Fuckers! Did you read the sign?? Although I will admit that a red, neon
sign, at night can be hard to read. It never fails to shock me how stupid people are! And then I have to be punished for it...what'd i do? huh...what'd i do?
slyde- I can honestly say I have never personally violated food, nor witnessed any acts of vulgarity in a kitchen...although I can't say I've never fantasized about it.
Oops I lied. I remember once this obese girl (really she must have been 350lbs) that I worked with in a kitchen, sat on the chest cooler and picked her nose in full view of the customers sitting at the bar out front.
So ya...I guess you should be careful. Seeing as I'm a little far away to be serving you, you'll have to deal with the unreliable riff raff.
earl-ya know, it's often the people who want all the things like Liz described that don't tip well at all. Cause they don't get it! That and people with issues, that I help get handled (like their meals bought or a gift card etc...) and then because their night wasn't all perfect they leave me shit all. Like I didn't just get them a free fucking meal. I didn't have to tell anyone they were unhappy. I didn't have to go out of my way to make sure they walked out the door happy...and for that often get nothing. I don't cook the food I serve it. If I fix the wrong food and get your bill discounted, the courteous thing to do would be to tip me...but most folks see discounts as a free ride and forget that they only got on the bus with the help of their server.
Ah well...plenty of decent folk that keep me happy. But there not as much fun to blog about LOL
I just realized I ordered the salad and the drink of the same name. Didnt even realize it at the time. Funny that.
Pst - I violated food once. When I worked at the golf course in highschool. But it felt good to watch the old pervert dig in (I sneezed on it) and that was when I knew I was truly capable of EVIL. Though I venture to say he may have deserved it... may have.
Just created a Blogger account...let's see if this shit works.
Hey there earl....I'm going to check you out. Now I'll have to change my Links!!
I'm so proud of you for finally getting a place you can call home. So sweet.
liz- *gasps* I'm shocked...who was it?? If it was Stewart, I wish I was in on it LOL
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