I'm Sick and Married

"It's over!" (wah)
As forewarned, my big day came and went like a flash. It was both beautiful and surreal. And every time someone reminded me to step back and soak it in, another hour had already passed. Everything was perfect. No bumps, no rips, no spills but there were some token appearances from THAT guy who was unfortunately the hubby's brother. I'll have to dedicate a whole n'other post to his shining moments; Although completely inappropriate they were pretty funny.

I am such a lucky gal. I have so many wonderful friends and family that helped this day go off without worry...or at least they made it look that easy ;o) My flowers were the most stunning things I've ever seen, so lovingly crafted by a childhood friend. Another close friend and fabulous artist from high school shot our pictures (which I can't wait to see and I promise I'll share). And of course there was my loving, devoted and smokin' hawt wedding party (whom lizzy was most certainly a part of! And who also earned a few minor injuries in capturing the bridal bouquet.)Lastly, but never in the least, my brother's wife. She is a super star, helping without hesitation in every moment she was asked and performing a seamless evening as our MC.

There are many tales to tell of doves and ghosts, great feats of strength and wedding pizza. I'll dose you a little at a time so as not to induce yawning, nausea, vomitting, loss in vision and appetite and eventually sex drive, pain in your amygdala and foul smelling ear fluids....which isn't too unlike how I'm feeling right now. Or maybe I'm just coming down.

What's With All These Car Accidents?!

It's the eve of the eve of my wedding and of course nothing can go smoothly. I was on my way downtown to drop the payment off for our limo when the cruel hands of fate swooped in and smashed my car, with both kids in the back. Actually, it was a big fat U-HAUL from Arkansas (isn't that where they're all from?). Other than the wrenching pain in my back, we're all fine. The only question left is "Do neck braces match wedding dresses?"

It Was My Stagette Last Night

I think I'm still drumk.

What is Wrong With People?

Got my most recent issue of 2 magazine. It was a free gift from one of the stores I have my wedding registry with. Not bad really. It's got some fairly interesting reads on food and sex and it's geared towards couples. But I have to share this because it's way too much like this and I'm having a hard time understanding the whole thing. Are guys really so horny that they need a plush toy or a hundred pound chunk of latex with orfices to take to bed? Which reminds me, I was at the store the other day for a couple of in and out sort of things, but nothing is ever very quick when you've got 2 kids to take with. I was rounding the corner to the checkout and nearly bumped into a woman doing the lane hop. Apparently she was in a rush, but she asked me kindly if I'd like to go ahead. And I respond so kindly, no thank you, reiterating my sentiments on quickness and kids. Well. Isn't this just like the driver who's in such a hurry to pull out that they cut you off when there are no cars behind you, and then they SLOW DOWN. Little miss I'm- in- a- rush decides to apply for one of the store credit cards. Now I'm flogging myself for being so nice (no after you... no I insist, after you.) and wanting to do the same to her for being such a selfish tit. Time passes (probably only a minute but it felt like an hour) and my eyes haven't yet managed to burn a hole in the back of her head, so I hastily do the lane hop myself. The cashier apologizes and I assure her, loudly, that it wasn't her that was the issue. But of course the lane I chose slows down and my original checkout is now empty. fuck

A Gift Pour Vous

Between all of the things I have to do these days there is often little time for moi. So many lovely things to do and not ever enough time. But as I so regularly point out to my man, it's not a matter of having the time but of making the time. Guess I should eat more of my own cooking. Anyhoo, in honour of these eloquent words of mine, I've decided to offer a gift to those of you who may by any chance want it. Depending on how many requests I get, it could take a while so I'll need your full and undivided patience. Here's the deal. Some of you may remember that I am artistically inclined (look around). However it has been some time since I have MADE the time to do much artwork. My first love is portrait art. So if you have a picture of yourself or family that you would like worked up please email it to me. I use mainly charcoal but could be convinced to try watercolour which I haven't touched since high school. I promise you it won't look anything like this, unless of course that's your thing and then who am I to judge; I am the freak who drew the damned thing in the first place. Pictured above are some examples of my work. I have done more, but I gave them away and never kept a copy for myself (doh!).

Who the Hell Runs This Blog Anyhow?

Sheesh. If I were me I'd fire my ass. So, I'm sure none of you are interested in too many excuses. In fact, I'm sure some of you have de-linked my sorry butt. And I don't blame you. What can I do to make it up to you?
Go on. This outa practice bitch needs some suggestions to get things rolling again. And what's better than giving what few yet faithful visitors I have left exactly what they want?